hello world!

awesome day. didnt actually feel like dragging myself out of bed to go for econs which i thought was only an hour but i still did anyway. :) was late with robson though hehs, due to the jam. then i realised it was two hours so that made my day sort of worthwhile LOL.

campus crusade sale was awesome! im such a shopaholic. especially when it comes to buying pretty journals from there and the cards and books! HAHAHHA. im amused at myself. and i think so was stacy. i was just dragging her around the shop and going this is so nice! should i get it? and stace was like, yeah you ARE a shopaholic. :P only when it comes to things like this. thanks glad for even letting me know about it. woooots. i hope there's another sale soon. :) i still really want that pretty journal. :S but i did get a good book by stormie omartian about praying for god's will in your life, and a free gappers only book also by stormie omartian, enough light for the next step im on, and borrowed i kissed dating goodbye from sandy's library. wooooooooh. hopefully ill finish reading all these soon hehs. havent even finished spiritual disciplines. :S

yay. good day. im heading off to bed with i kissed dating goodbye and a nice mug of milo or something. perfect end to a perfect day. :)
another great day, thank you god! this just sets the tone for the week ahead which i am expecting to be an awesome week. :)

i dont know. it was like yesterday i was all, "ugh i dont wna go back to school." and i really didnt. but i prayed about it, asking god for a willing spirit and a joyful heart and the whole day was just really really great. i really saw god's faithfulness shine through today and i pray for that faith that will supersede my life! :) if you wna know what i mean go read hebrews 11:13-16 and then come and talk to me about it! it was a good passage that i read this morning and thought about.

i've been praying a lot lately, for people and for myself as and when i can and i think it really makes a difference. i've been having this feelings of wanting to share everything with god and i praise him for that. because he's just awesome. :)

also. thank god for helping me finish my info search thing really fast. i prayed before i started and poof all the things i was looking for just appeared and before this i was having a bit of trouble looking for them, so YAY. :) it couldnt have taken more than 15 minutes?

and also A01 OUTING whoooooooooooo! :) cant wait i miss you guys like crazy. :)

okay heading on to do my AQ. :S may everyday be filled with such joy that comes from god! :)

You hold the future in your hands
You know my dreams and you have a plan
And as you light my way, I'll follow you

My eyes on all of the above
My soul secure in all you've done
My minds made up
And you are the only one for me

Jesus, savior, in my life you are everything
My future decided, I will praise your name
And I know that I am, I am yours
Yeah, I know that that I am, I am yours

You hold the earth in your command
You are the rock on which I stand
And as I live each day, I'll follow you

Unafraid, Unashamed Lord we know who we are
(We are your people and we won't be silent)
Unified hear us cry at the top of our lungs
(You our God and we will not be shaken)
hillsongs united was sooooo AWESOME! :)

i was really looking forward to the concert and it was AMAZING it completely didnt disappoint. :) met josie at amk to head over to expo, but i wasnt feeling very enthu because of the news from glenny that the queue there was CRAZY and i dont like long queues much. heh. anyway we went there, met elly, avril, shawn, keith, pear and amanda. we ended up in the mosh pit. it was a really awesome experience most of the wesleyians were gathered in the front there and WOW. yeah i know my vocab doesnt really extend past awesome and amazing and yeah but thats just what it was!

to see so many people, so many christians who were just like us, passionately worshipping god for all that he's done for us. to see all the raised hands was just mind-blowing. it just makes you want to lose yourself to the worship and thats just what all of us did. it was just really a great time of worship, i havent felt this free to praise god in a really long time. :) and when you surrender yourself to his worship and praise, its just the best feeling in the world. WOW.

anyway after the concert, me glenny, nic stacy met up with gladwin and his FIANCEE, rachel! and we went to have supper together heh. and stacy and i stayed over at nicole's place and i think we just had so much crazy fun together, i think we laughed so loudly so many times im surprised nicole's mother didnt go mad at us. we just stayed up talking about the most random things in the world, and instead of sleeping at 1.30 like we said we would. we ended up sleeping at 2.30, 3 when we had to wake up at 5.30 the next morning for church. genius.

but it was still so much fun.

no surprise when we were late for church despite cabbing heh. we've been doing a lot of that. walked all the way to main church with elly welly to pick up the projector and laptop for worship. i had so much fun clicking honestly i hope i get to be a clicker again soon! :) less stressful than singing i feel heh. :P but yeah i think i messed up a few times but thanks to jiaming and tricia for being lovely patient people and handling me and my bag of nerves.

sermon was really really good. made me really think about where i stand with god. and i guess i;ve been living my life with compromise. purpose driven life was good too. made me honestly think about something thats been bugging me for sometime. and i pray that god will give me the courage to make the stand that i know i want to make. :)

i want jesus to be my first and my only love;

pictures of the hillsong concert:



heh. the sky looks really pretty here.



*screams* hillsong united ticket! :)



just before the band appeared on the stage. yes i know you cant see the band thats just how far behind we were.

father, be our guide,
now and forever
im amazed at how sian i actually feel towards school. like i've felt that school sucked and all at one point of time in my sixteen years on this earth, but i've never actually seriously entertained thoughts of ponning school until now. sigh. the terrors of jc life la. i'd rather be at glad's office/sandy's office/stacy's office, doing nothing. heh. okay not nothing la. but im seriously sian of school. like i practically have to drag myself to school every single day. ugh. and while im there im seriously considering stabbing myself with my pen. heh. that sounds randomly emo. not like me to say that kind of thing but ohwell.

YES IM SORRY FOR BEING EMO.

ugh. school sucks la.







yet another long tiring day, tomorrow promises to be the same but with god's strength i can make it through! :)

a BIG thank you to my darlings josie and nicole :) you know why. :P

danny is so amazingly cute and funny. im so sad he's gone. yes i think you all know im currently hooked on the seasonal marathon of american idol. :P heh.

GO GO GO DANIEL ARCUTULA! (and no, contrary to what my mother says he does NOT in the slightest look like zac efron but he's sweet anyway.)

loves.
very very very tired. its nearing like 12. and i've been up sine what, 6? haha. long day i guess. but a good long day i guess. very emotionally fulfilling and i feel joyful in the lord!

went to church immediately after school. it was pretty boring la. school's school. just that i dont think i can make an a anymore for maths. cos i failed this test :( so siann. yeahs. anyway i went to glad's office to hang out with him and stace and had lunch in his office. i ended up telling glad what i'd been struggling with all this while and i guess it was good in some way. and we ended up discussing what i was going through and what i should do. thanks glad for the counsel. im really GLAD for your advice haha. and the articles which really helped.

i wish i could share what i really learnt today but its just too private and personal. so if you really just dying to know, just ask me la okay. anyway, went to the sanctuary to do reflections on those articles i read. i decided i really like being in the sanctuary when there's no one there. its just so quiet you can really hear your own heartbeat and thoughts and the silence isnt something thats scary, or foreboding, but something that just seems to embrace you. and i think i might go there more often after school as and when i can just to pray and all that. because the minute i stepped in there, i really felt, as though i was coming home and i could sense god being in there and i just felt... peaceful. it was a good time of self-reflection la and i really enjoyed it.

something else happened to me during gap.

god used this image to lead me to this story in the bible. its basically about temptation and i felt really ministered by it, especially when iris also shared about her own struggles. and the fact of the matter is, if jesus could come to this earth in our flesh and successfully resist the devil's temptation. there's no reason for us to say that we cant. its not as if jesus came with godly abilities of self-control, he was just like us. and still he knew what was right and did it. and that should be what we ought to do. no matter how hard it is.

yeah i know its harder than it looks. i completely agree. im going through my own struggles and i know how hard it is, how easy it seems to just give in, and how hard it is to walk away and to say no. but the grace of god will pick us up and keep us going. have faith in that amazing grace of god. :) (sorry i honestly didnt mean for this to become some kind of sermon but yeah.)

praise god for moving me onward.

each step backward i take brings me a step forward to your vision for me.


Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. -- 1 Corinthians 7:34

i feel so so so much closer to god nowadays and im really joyful in that knowledge that im finding my way back to him. :) slowly but surely i guess im getting there day by day. just two verses i want to use to encourage everyone with before i go and do my hist essay.

11For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. 12It teaches us to say "No" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age (Titus 2:11-12)

This verse is really very close to my heart i wrote it on several post its and stuck it everywhere to remind myself of this truth and this promise that god has given us! :) because he specifically revealed it to me during my quiet time, in which i really enjoy because its really the place where i can be free to worship him.

7But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death. (Philipians 3:7-10)

this verse really encouraged me alot too. not to mention it echoes what im really feeling in my heart these few days and that last verse is my prayer everyday!

hope these two verses can somehow minister to you too. :)
I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is, it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would you pour down like rain?
Washing my eyes to seeYour majesty
To be still and knowThat You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need, is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice
okay yes everyone's complaining about the lack of updates and yes im sorry! there've been so many times this week when i opened the new post page and typed one or two lines before thinking, ah crap. i cant do this and then i'd close the unsaved post. sorry all!

yupp, there were several bloggable things in my week, e.g. the a07 learning journey to LTA and GAP. but lately i dont know. i havent had the mood to actually blog about it seeing as how my mind's been on some other more spiritual things la. but alright, i shall post something short about the learning journey for the sake of... this being a blog about my life. (is that just me, or am i not making any sense. okay never mind, moving on!)

we went to LTA (Land transport authority) at Little India for our learning journey, i think everyone was expecting it to be really boring, just like some talk like that but it was actually quite cool! because everything there was super modern and so so so cool. and although i highly doubt any of us learned much about the transport system we had a lot of fun really as a class. :)

after the learning journey, tim and i decided to walk all the way to bugis for dinner, where we ended up at crystal jade again! like the second time in a row since we've been there. anyway it was a nice entertaining dinner and yes, i bumped into amanda, who pulled me aside to ask, "who's that? your crush ar?" and i went, "NO!" pffffffffft. we bumped into his senior and some of his church friends too, so we ended up deciding to pretend not to know each other in front of people we know. :P nice ploy. thankfully we didnt run into anyone else again.

yupp so that was just LTA and the a07 outing.

now im moving on to more (spiritual?) matters so please bear with me.

this three weeks havent exactly been the best time of my life. if i were to be completely honest here, this is the furthest i've actually been from god. and the feeling of everything, of my life being out of control, out of my hands is something that i've been suffering and struggling with all this time. yeah. basically it just sucks. and i know why i've been so far away from god, the real reason why i feel as though everything's just so messed up even though these three weeks i've been trying (and failing) to go back to him.

and i guess this weekend, and gap combined just made me see, that god is sifting my heart. (this isn't my analogy, i got it from passion and purity). you know how when you bake, you sift flour so that all the hidden impurities just get left behind and you get pure flour? well thats the same thing that god's doing to me now, even though i havent really seen it all this time. he's been slowly leading me up to this, trying to remove all the parts of my heart that are impure, so that i can be pure before him.

at the beginning of gap, i honestly didnt feel right to be there. i felt that gap had somehow become a routine for me, where i got to see ym-ers that i knew and all that? and not somewhere where i could experience god. and the fact that i had been so far away from god all week, just made me feel so...alone for some reason. but then, just as i was sitting there, listening to sandy share, she suddenly shared something that was really really really surprising.

she was telling some people in the room what she thought god wanted them to know, like jolyn, and this other guy. and suddenly she just turned to me and said," and samantha, you will be a great leader." and i was like WHAT. cos i really was stunned. like i havent been the closest to god in such a long time and out of the blue, god tells me through sandy that im going to be a great leader? i really really was surprised, but now even as i think about it im just so so so honored. honored that in the future, god is going to use me mightily to move his people. even now, even though i have doubts that go, "you? you cant even keep your own mind fixed on god, how are you going to be a great leader?" im just so glad that he;s going to use me. that he's chosen me.

and somehow, just knowing what god's going to make me into, just made me seriously think about something adriel preached about a few weeks back, about the greater vision. now that i've had a glimpse of that greater vision, and i want to enter it, i must decide for myself, if i want it bad enough to pursue detachment, from the things of this world. because yes. thats the things that have been keeping me from god. i know whats right. im just afraid i cant do it.

so i was kind of at this crossroads. and during the weekened something just happened to make me see, yes. i do want it bad enough. it will cost me something, but as long as i can move into that greater vision, i will detach myself from this world. i cant ask god to take away my feelings for you, but i can ask him for the grace, mercy and love to endure it all even as i push you away and keep my focus on him and him alone. thanks ben, for being there for me when i really needed someone to direct me spiritually in the best way. i believe god put you there to show me where i needed to go and i just thank god that you were there when i needed someone.

now my greatest fear is that even as i go back into another busy week of school. my conviction will fade and ill slip back into my old ways and that ill forget about it all. my prayer, is that i wont forget, that this 'gift of god will fan into flame' (2 timothy 1:6-7) and that ill be consumed with wanting to know god alone. just as ben said, singleness is a gift from god, one we use to get to know him better, to get to know how to please him.

yes i wont deny im afraid for the battle ahead. it wont be easy. even as i type this, i feel fear for the first time, because i truly want to please god with my whole heart and i dont want to let him down. but i believe he will carry me through as long as i look to him. and that he'll lead me into my destiny for him.

spirit now living
and dwelling within me
keep my eyes fixed ever on jesus' face
let not the things of this world ever sway me
ill run till i finish the race
since people have been complaining my blog is dead i shall do everyone a favor and post something new for everyone to read. haha. i feel so loved, people actually WANT to know whats going on in my life, as boring as it is day to day. :)

hmmm. okay.

a01 outing last saturday was awesome as per usual, thanks elsie and pin xuan for asking me out for lunch, its nice having lunch with my two favourite boys and im so so so sorry for being 40 minutes late :S it really wasnt on purpose! anyway. i met them at borders and i really really wna go shopping for books there! and we headed to fish and co for lunch. and heh. sorry jin xiaoxi for not meeting you at somerset like we promised and making you come down all the way to orchard instead. it was great catching up with the a01-ers over lunch, a-oh one is LOVE. <3 cassanova aka nickang and marian met up with us later too... all the njc-now-in-other-jc people were in orchard area! :) wanted to catch ironman together but we eventually decided that we'd just go straight to the college day, much to the consternation of poor elson ngiam.

college day was awesome. i spent majority of my time there walking around with the now-in-other-jc-a01ers and stuffing ourselves silly with cookies, jelly, drinks... heh. its a wonder we didnt explode. :) but good times. caught up with hock sing that log, and yes its good to feel short standing next to him. :P met up with gabby! honestly in seeing her, i felt so happy! because she was in my first og at njc, and i was only in that og for like a day or two and yet we're still soooo close after such a long time and im not in njc anymore and yet seeing her was like seeing an old friend i've known for years or something! and my dear dear manuel. when i saw him and ran after him and tapped him on the shoulder, he turned around and grinned and spontaneously hugged me! and jia min, who i thought i wasnt very close to in college pub, recgonised me and we had a good chat! awwww. honestly, going back to njc and seeing all those people i do love so much makes me feel as if... i was going home in some way. and it felt so so so right.

thats probably one of the more bloggable things in my week.

oh and i owe tim a donut and starbucks. grrrrr.

and he smiled at me again today and i feel so so so close to him for some reason. :)

alrightyo. heading off to do gp, pw and errrr. lit! loves you all. <3
yay a01 outing today was awesomeeee. i love love love seeing my a01-ers they never fail to make me smile. ill put up pictures when i can cos im horribly tired. :S

anyway meeting matthew's group tomorrow, wheee. i hope they're nice. :)

happy birthday, my darling husband, ying lun and yitong! :)

1 JOHN 3:1-3 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when he appears, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is. Everyone who has this hope in him purifies himself, just as he is pure.

samantha
17 years old
1st january 1992
49 day old njc-ian
proud ex-a01-er
romanis, saint
08a07-er
SFC
bc-ian
philotheo
gapper!
princess :P

angelina

bel

ben lau

benedict

chesed

celine

elly welly

glenda

liz

lizhu

lissya

nic

paul ooi

rachel

ronda

sarah

shaney

stacy

sls society

tessie bear

vanessa

xiang an

2e1

NJC PAE a01

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